Hi. Glad you’re here.
My name’s Dan. I’m that guy in the pink.
And this is my blog.
It’s not quite a standard blog tbh.
All in all, it isn’t organised particularly well. The squiggly red underline that Microsoft Word puts under misspelt words is the best kind of editing I can afford.
I haven’t really nailed a niche theme for the blog yet either. Oh, also – it has no ongoing linear narrative. And no rising tension. And no climax.
And even if there was, say, a little bit of those things woven in – they’re certainly not executed a) conventionally and b) that well.
I mean, the tension definitely doesn’t rival the tingling, raw kind that brilliant stories have. The Jack and Rose tension. The Psycho pull of the shower curtain.
No, no. My blog’s tension is much less moving. This blog is more like your everyday, shitty, awkward tension.
Phone calls with the boss when you’re faking sick.
When your grandma sees your dinner unfinished.
That grim moment when you’re being introduced and have to assess whether the protocol is to shake hands, hug, or – because anxiety would have it too easy otherwise – to go for the coveted kiss on the cheek. Hair raising stuff, truly.
And yeah – the blog won’t imbue huge cathartic climaxes either. I’d like to think I’m capable of delivering epiphany-inducing emotional releases. Unfortunately, most of the time my performance will be brief and lacklustre – like a real iffy one-night stand.
Iffy, but I mean, you may revisit until something (inevitably) better comes around.
Jesus. I really haven’t done a good job of selling my blog (or myself) so far have I? Let me try again – I don’t mean to deter you.
I mean to excite you.
Because like Seinfeld, like Friends, like my favourite TV shows ever – my blog is about the nothingness of my all things considering, modest life.
I talk about things like family and friends. Education and Work. Sciency stuff that interests me. Juicy topics like sex and drugs.
Sometimes I ramble about random shit too.
Importantly, most of what I talk about encompasses aspects of life as a millennial.
It’s for these reasons I’ve adopted the name The Corpus Column.
The corpus callosum is the band of nerve fibres that joins the two hemispheres of our brain (it’s also one of the few easily identifiable structures that enabled me to scrape a pass in neuroanatomy).
So – this blog joins together the best of both my hemispheres – the logical / scientific side with my minor creative capabilities.
And it took me a while to get here. I’ve written blogs over the last couple years for school. After a few gained traction, people told me I should start writing more. So I had a crack at it properly for a few months.
When I started, I wasn’t in a good headspace. I wrote in-between full time work and uni, whilst I was still reading a tonne, heavily addicted to video games, partying and mulling over a breakup. I wrote mostly on the bus.
And after that time, after all my hard work – I had some miraculous pieces of writing in front of me.
Some miraculous pieces of shit.
One of them – about one third of an attempt at a Rom Com, was so unbelievably cringe. Seriously, Hugh Grant would murder me if he read it – and somehow, I imagine he’d make the experience rather pleasant and gratifying.
Might just be jealousy [confirmed], but it always pissed me off that Hugh Grant’s character was always able to resolve absolutely any conflict or drama through a bit of awkward giddiness and wordplay. I mean, he so easily transitioned to the happy ending! I was never convinced by the rising tension. That hair-parted charmer was always going to land the goddess.
I dunno, makes you wonder whether all it takes is charisma and a good hairdresser… or whether this dude is rocking a porn star dick or something.
It was awful. And I didn’t know what to do.
Mum gave me the simple solution:
‘You’re good at blogs, write about a bunch of different stuff you like.’
And here we are.
The beautiful curse of being a millennial is that privacy is a thing of the past. Social media means that I can stalk anyone I want (and I really do).
Friends. Acquaintances. Tinder matches. I know way more about them through a 5-minute stalk of their Facebook and Instagram than I really ought to. And admittedly, I can’t help but feel creepy when I bring up a post I happened to see on Facebook about them.
Yeah … happened to see. When I scrolled through your 262 tagged photos.
In light of this, I figured – Fuck it. Since everyone can just stalk me anyway, I might as well just share my story with you all. And do it my own way.
So I don’t hold back for you in this blog. We’ll delve into my personal life. You’ll hear my thoughts, anecdotes, frustrations and confusions about everything.
You might agree, disagree, cringe and smile at a lot of things. If else fails, you’ll read the words on the screen.
So I welcome your judgment (and potential appreciation) with open arms.
Welcome to my blog: The Corpus Column – A Millennial’s Blog
You can check out my Instagram here.
I’ll be posting plenty about my blog, Hangs – the app I co-founded, and my life in general.